Boyfriend Application

This is an open letter to all those who wish to apply to be my boyfriend. Well-qualified applicants will be interviewed and chosen accordingly. I would like to offer a word of caution: this job isn’t just for any unemployed chump..

This job requires passion. Preparation for when you see me with no make-up and you still can’t keep your hands off of me. Like up too late just thinking about if I am thinking of you thinking about me type of passion. Where you are doodling my name, planning our future and telling your mom about me type of passion. Yearning to know my soul, my mind and my body, a passion that truly has gone out of fashion. If this passion you claim, then we can move on to step two, pay attention darling, we’ve got a lot of work to do:

What is your employment history?

• Because baby we can’t keep this part a mystery. I want to know the habits you formed on breaking girls’ hearts. If charming them into bed was your art. I want to be prepared for how you will treat me from the start.
• Like flowers just because you care and when you’re hanging with your friends you can say, “Yeah, that’s my baby over there.”
• Socially you should be able to manage on your own, kiss my cheek when you pass by or wink at me from across the room. I'm not going to manage your conversations with my relatives because you're shy.

Be my best friend.

Ask about my dreams and capture a cloud for me to float on.

Rope the moon closer to my window.

Recite old movie lines and overrated poetry.

Dream with me.

Appreciate the rain on warm sidewalks and squirrels carrying acorns.

Understand my caution.

Smile even when it hurts, because you care about those hurting more than you are.

Give people second chances and strive for sincerity.

Wake me up for the sunrise.

Travel with me.

Accept others regardless of what the world says about them.

Question the stars.

I want to see my father in you: fix my car, open jars, protect my innocence, love my family, make me laugh instead of cry and accept my sense of humor. I want to dance on your feet to Frank Sinatra when you kiss me on the eyelids. Listen to Johnny Cash and read Lord of the Rings by the firelight.

If you are inquiring about the pay for such a job, you are already unemployed. Love is unconditional. It’s not the exchange of worth or benefit. It’s the respect and admiration of our souls.

Please note: this is not a temporary position. I don’t just date around for “fun”. Don’t apply with the mind set of some day resigning. I always begin with the end in mind, so if you see an end already, don't begin. Losing faith in a person isn’t my idea of “fun”.

I would be a damn good girlfriend, but I am not going to give that away to just anyone.

I would:

be your best friend.

write down your dreams and mail you the moon.

watch your footballbaseballsoccergolfwrestling and whisper you poetry.

write your name in the stars.

warm your hands on the ski lifts.

admire your faults.

remind you of your gifts to the world.

console you with kisses.

stay up all night talking and waiting for the sunrise.

encourage, trust and forgive.

This isn't an urgent position I need to fill. I need someone who believes in love and it's ability to change the world. Someone who believes in humanity and our ability to do good. Someone who worships God, or at least knows they should.

With requirements running rampant, I wish to give you a word of hope:

Love overcomes imperfection

but you at least need to mail in your application.