Gap Year

Can you avoid adulthood? For me: so far so good. 

We make excuses for ourselves in answering, "What are you going to do with yourself?"
At least I do.

High school: "I don't even know what college I want to attend, I'm too young to decide yet."
College Freshman: "I'll just take my GenEd requirements, then I'll figure it out."
College Sophomore: "I'll just study this, work here for now and worry about that later."
College Senior: "I'll go to Europe and when I get home I'll be ready to figure out my next step."

How am I figuring it out?
I'm working a minimum wage job and living at my parent's house. I'm working out, playing (pretending to play) my guitar, reading books, walking my dog, drinking coffee,... and wine.  I'm going to the farmer's market, socializing and watching Netflix.  But I'm working hard, spending little, and saving all that I can but always answering, "So what's next?" Here's what:

I'm taking a gap year.

When I went to Europe this summer, I thought I would return having 'found myself'.
That I'd be tired of meandering and want to be rooted.
But I 've hardly stretched my branches.

I came back with more questions than answers, hungrier than before I left. I met people who changed my world. Women younger than I am who took a year off their work or school to travel the world, alone. My mother thinks that is just unsafe. But I think I've been kept safe long enough.  Travelers who quit their jobs, sell their things and survive on experiences. They run with bulls, sandboard in the Sahara, and swim with sharks. They cliff dive, drink until 5 am, speak three languages (at least) and don't think twice about it.  And we, us college graduates, we don't do this so we can answer that, "what's next?" question. 

What's next?
I am next.

Unlike most all other cultures, Americans aren't encouraged to take a gap year between high school and college. We aren't allotted a time to travel or to desire knowledge on our own terms. So I'm demanding it now. I'll work a shit job and build up some dust on my degree because all I want is this adventure ahead.  Don't teach children to chase their dreams if you're going to keep their feet on the ground. Americans only give their children shoes to walk to their next job interview.

But my mom, she gave me wings you see... you better believe I'm using them.

Not all those who wander are lost.

It's a dangerous business going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to, but: 

"You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin--to the bitter end. And you can trust to keep any secret of yours--closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo. Anyway: there it is. We know most of what Gandalf has told you. We know a good deal about the Ring. We are horribly afraid-- but we are coming with you; or following you like hounds."

#GoGreek #TalkShit

Not talking shit about people or organizations is generally a good rule of thumb.

For example: Greek Unity.

Working together to recreate a positive perspective of the Greek community and supporting one another's philanthropies and social events. Cool. Great. Go for it. Whatever.

BUT

Sometimes people deserve to be talked about.
There should have been more talking.  
There should have been more questions.

In light of the recent news of Delta Chi there has been a lot of defense from the Greek community, and understandably.  Most of the Greek people I know are genuinely good people, plenty of my friends belong to a fraternity or sorority.  The good things they do are valid and real and appreciated and recognized.  They told us time and time again that one fraternity doesn't represent them all.  To stop stereotyping Greek Life... Which is exactly what Delta Chi said... one member being a rapist doesn't make us all rapists, so we shouldn't all be punished should we?

But you supported them. 
You created an environment where their behavior was acceptable.
Someone had to take on the role of the "douchey-fraternity" right?
And we looked the other way because
boys will be boys.
And some boys will be rapists.

I've been disgusted with Delta Chi since I was a freshman and was groped at a party. Lesson learned. I've always talked shit about Greek life, particularly Delta Chi.  I've got a list of grievances.  But whenever I would talk to someone in that community about them, I heard nothing in return.

We've all known they were horrible and we just let them be horrible.  

So much of the Greek community is based off tradition and keeping them a secret.  And clearly they're good at keeping their mouths shut. Real leaders acknowledge the flaws of their organization and actively try to improve. REAL LEADERS stand up for what is right, even if it against "one of their own".  Real leaders ignore a gag-order.

Despite that, some action has finally come around... but my heart is still screaming. You went to their parties, supported their philanthropies, you know what they were capable of and continue to stay silent.

Silence condones behavior.

I know I wish I would've done more.
Because I could have.
We all could have.
This is Delta Chi's problem
This is the Greek Community's problem
This is our problem too.
This is our world, our campus and our students.

I weep because I know the only concrete and long-lasting change that can happen to Greek culture has to come within the community itself. And I'm afraid it never will. They are so good at keep their traditions quite. 

We need to talk shit sometimes
and make sure we're heard.



What incident am I referring to you ask?
http://www.cm-life.com/2014/01/13/details-behind-delta-chi-suspension-uncovered-after-foia-request-incidents-date-back-15-years/

What Thought Catalog Didn't Tell Me.

• They didn't tell me at 18 how to not screw up my 20's, they told me when I was 22. 
• There will be plenty of days when you don't like your life. And it's your fault. Because you created it. 
• You can stand up for what you believe in, but there will always be someone who makes you feel stupid.  It's probably someone close to you, or an internet troll, either way, sometimes you lose.
• You can adore Jennifer Lawrence and say the same body positive things as her, but no one will ever like you as much as they like her. Until you're rich obviously. 
• You can't always indulge yourself in sadness, you should just deal with it. 
• Watching Netflix all day isn't excusable, you just find an excuse. 
• Being twenty something isn't an excuse for all those times you were drunk instead of studying. That's just you being stupid.

They forget to tell you that one day all your friends will have boyfriends (or find a better friend than you) and they will love you the same BUT things won't be the same.  You'll stay in your bed watching Breaking Bad while they are at Half Off Apps together. You'll ask them if they want to work out, but they already went to the gym with their boyfriend.  Instead of crying on their shoulder when you're sad... you'll cry by yourself and tell them next week if it comes up in conversation.   And it will be hard to be satisfied with loving yourself. 

You were too busy kissing boys instead of talking to them.  You wanted to fool around instead of fall in love. That's why you don't ever like anyone & it will probably take a while until you do.

Bad guys win.

You'll often want to punch your sibling in the face

and maybe one day you will. 

Stop looking at Pinterest unless you actually have the time to craft.

Traveling the world is a nice dream, but takes years of saving and for most people isn't realistic.

Being young isn't an excuse anymore.

There are a million angles on every problem and you'll never pick the right one.

If you need to post on Facebook a love letter to your boyfriend, just know that is a sure sign of your relationships NOT being as dreamy as you posted. Because... why didn't you just call him to tell him?

Good intentions don't mean shit. "Almost" is the same as "not".  And calling someone "sweetheart" when you consider it endearing, could probably insult them.

Graduating is fucking terrifying. And no, everything won't just "work out". Your life will be the product of your choices, and it's not all going to be ok just because your were in your twenties when you messed up. It will all be ok when you decide to create the life you want. And maybe you can't do that. Then you will have to learn to pretend that the life you have is the life you want.

And that's the truth.

Not as inspiring, I know. But i needed to stop letting people make excuses for me.

But then again, what good is the truth anyway?