175. Surprise!

I've been hungry for the kind of hugs you receive when you walk in the door of someone who misses you. The people who make you cry from remembering how much you're loved. A city is just a city without those moments.

From family reunions and one side of the country to another, I am finally home... and for good. I guess I'm still trying to find exactly what "home" is. My mom is selling my childhood home, which is hella depressing, but also completely nessecary. We are made of the same cloth, hungry for adventure. Living as a nomad for over a year is tiring, now I am ready for a purpose. 

I am excited to have a career job, an apartment (preferably near a good coffee shop), a gym membership and a favorite bartender again. I've found that although each person in your life story has a purpose for you, they can't be your purpose. 

I am looking forward to having something to say. As much as I need love, I need growth. I need knowledge. I need to read, taste, touch and feel. I think that's what I wanted out of my adventure, a selfish year (and then some) to figure out what I had to say. 

This is it. 

Clichés are only clichés until you live them to your truth. 

You can't run from depression.

Love isn't all you need.

It is too much to ask for one person to fill all your buckets and be your world.

Living with regrets may help you fuck up less in the future.

Taking a risk is worth it, but be honest with yourself. 

And most of all: trust your own judgement. 

I thought talking about personal issues to everyone you meet at the bar was just like... an extrovert thing? I crave the opinions of others so someone will eventually just validate the opinion I already have. Turns out, not an extrovert thing. It's a confidence thing. I've never had to rely on myself so much as I have on this wonderful adventure. I've always had my mom or best friends to help me cope. When I couldn't emotionally articulate myself to people in either hemisphere, I just had to trust myself. I've honestly never been more proud of myself and the decisions I have made, and for once, I don't have to explain myself to anyone. I guess except you... because you're reading this... so I already am. 

Whatever. 

I'm not waiting on the comments. 

I'm just here to say, "Good job Sadie, You're growing up. Now get a fuckin job."