Hope is my middle name.

After two hours of making valentines and several nagging voices putting down my efforts, I began to question why people hate Valentine’s Day so much. I think Valentine’s Day holds a lot of expectations. A big show. Twelve dozen roses. Secret admirers. Five Star Dinner. Undying admiration. When it doesn’t fit expectations, “Valentine’s Day” becomes “Singles Awareness Day”.

I have never had a boyfriend or “valentine” but I adore Valentine’s Day nonetheless. I spend hours making Valentine cards, trying to think of everyone I want to recognize and how I can make it special for people I love. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I get a little bummed. I still get a little bit of an ache in my heart when I see beaming girls and their doting boyfriends. A piece of me will always be envious, but I have been changing that envy into hope.

Hope that one day, I will be that giggling girl. Someone will love and adore me. Hope that someday I will get a stupid love poem or handmade card. One day I will wake up to breakfast in bed. Or I will lay around, watch movies and eat chocolate with that someone who makes me laugh. I have hope that a day will come that I will be able to love someone with all my heart and get love in return. This is a day of patience for me. Not being mad about 20 years of being single, or how I got my heart stomped on or how he stopped calling or that I don't have it RIGHT NOW, but holding on to a hope that one day I will... and all this waiting will be worth it and I will have a love that won't let me down. Valentine’s Day gives me hope for the future, because it shows me that love is real. I will look all around and see that love is real.

No matter the condition of my heart, a sprained ankle and on crutches, it’s going to keep trying, even if it is limping. Because I know that at this moment, my future love is walking on the earth. Since I don’t know where he is right now, sleeping, studying, making Valentine’s, or playing xbox but I am going to do my best to love everyone in my life, so maybe the love will trickle down to him. You may roll your eyes and say: Naive. Unrealistic. Sappy. Pathetic. No. It's hopeful.

Hallmark holiday or not, I love Valentine’s Day, even when it is a little painful. Because without pain, there can be no joy.

i carry your heart with me

E.E.Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

**Hope really is my middle name... metaphorically and literally... in case you didn't know that.