Day 46 Homesick.

Actually day 40-46 has been homesick.

But let me start from back when I wasn't homesick. When I was doing amazing things in Cairns, when I snorkeled with Nemo, a barracuda and a shark. When I jumped off a 60 m tower. When I was laying in the sun with friends and didn't get a sunburn! Cairns was amazing, surrounded my mountains and rain-forest, it was like a better version of Florida. If I hadn't booked my plane ticket back to Sydney, I would've stayed longer. 

But now I am at the point of my trip I have been dreading... should I stay or should I go? 

I am back in Sydney. It is cold here. I am sick and I have applied to more than 20 jobs with no avail. I wanted to rent my own apartment because I am tired of living out of a backpack. I can't afford that though. I am running down to my last couple hundred dollars before I dip in to the New Zealand/Asia fund. So if I get a job, it will be 6 more months in Australia then two months traveling. If I don't get a job within the week. I really need to keep moving. 

Since I got here, the more people I met made me question: Why not stay for a whole year? Everyone else is doing it. I am strong enough to do it. I can get a job. I can make friends worth staying for, can't I? But I met a girl today and for the first time someone said, "Why does everyone stay here? You don't have force yourself to stay here to get the experience.'' Identifying what I have felt: that Australia is like America, except without the majority of the people I love. I am not convinced I want to stay here anymore.

Am I not giving it enough of a chance? Should I make a life for myself here and then leave in 6 months? What is the point of that? Do I go back home and get a job with only two weeks vacation? What is the point of that? 

Then I end at the oh-so-pleasant: WHAT AM I HERE FOR? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE? HOW DO I HUMAN?

Healthy right?

I guess what I really need to ask is what do I want out of Australia? Have I gotten it already? Is it time to move on? There is still adventure to be had in America. With all the people in my life I miss. 

Half of this blog post is questions. 

I don't know where to find the answers. 

I am going back to watching 'Pimp My Ride" with the other travelers who don't know what they're doing.